>*There will be no little people insults, or scab collections being mistaken for cornflakes stories told below….nor is this a post about the completely disgusting array of Halloween candy that is available today.
Nope this post is about the flu.
Let me ease your weary minds right out the gate and assure you this is not another Jessie “anti vaccination rant” (feel free to friend me on facebook for that joy though)
No this is the post in which I share with you the Flu Season tips that won’t make it onto the “wash your hands for 30 seconds, don’t touch your mouth nose or eyes, cough into your elbow” posters. These tips though, if followed, will earn the most gratitude.
Let’s face it, you (or at the very least someone who lives with you) will be sick at some point in the next several months. Maybe it will be the pig crud, maybe it will be the stuff that keeps nyquil in business..it doesn’t matter what, it only matters that it’s inevitable….(but let’s just say that you are some Jack Laleen wannabe who claims to “never have been sick”…fine then, to you and only you..I hand this chicken salad sandwich that has been on the counter since breakfast)…Good, ok, now that we are all human and all clear that we will be sick at some point in the near future, let’s play a rousing game of “what’s grosser then gross”
Imagine not feeling very well, denying that you are coming down with what everyone and their brother has, trying to convince yourself that “it’s all in your head” and that if you stop thinking about it, it will go away….finally “it” wins and you find yourself running for some relief. Problem is, half way there, you start calculating how many days it has been since that very cold porcelain bowl which you will soon be hugging last had a visit from his friend “mr toilet brush” and his wife “bleach”—Chances are your home (like mine)is not like the fast food joint down the street that posts it’s bathroom cleaning schedule broken down into 15 minute increments, each marked off with some 16 year old’s bubbly initials…nope. Also there is a good chance that you may be like me and have 3 toilets and only 1 toilet brush (because it travels in your handy dandy bathroom cleaning caddy that you tote around on Mondays and Fridays or right before people come over)…you may also be like me and proudly wear the “I am a mom of boys” title.
However, now that you have “waved your white flag” and given up to your nausea, there is no turning back. Of course you can attempt to stay back as far away as possible, but then you remember that experiment from science class where you dropped a tennis ball and it always bounced back up half way, of course the higher the initial drop the higher the return bounce would be. The trash can is another option, but since today was garbage day and you got distracted (stupid facebook) after emptying the cans, no new bag has been placed in it…it’s looking like you may have to commit a vile sin and vomit in the sink. Which is by far better then hovering above a nasty toilet bowl…until you realize that the sink stoppers are completely non removable (why have you never noticed this fact before?)Sure they go up and down to allow WATER to flow freely down the pipe and out of sight..but last I checked hot pockets were not a liquid and it didn’t feel like the time that they have been in your stomach has changed that fact much.(because seriously who actually chews their hot pockets? They are hotter then lava)
THAT my friends, is grosser then gross.
So my helpful Flu Season 2009 Survival tip/s are:
-Scrub your toilets DAILY, heck keep a box of clorox wipes on the back of the commode for spot cleanings after each use…
-Invest in the number of toilet brushes that you have toilets…store them next to your toilets…
-Triple and quadruple line your bathroom garbage cans…never leave it bagless even if only for a few hours…it’s guaranteed to put Murphy’s law into effect and bring about the above scenario
-Don’t neglect the floor and base of your toilet…from what I hear this flu has been bringing on some marathon puking…it would suck to be prone on the floor from vomit exhaustion and that be the time to notice your kids have NO aim when they pee’
This helpful advice comes to you tonight from a mom that has had her 9 year old in and out of the bath several times today to bring his temp down, set up a quarantine area in his room complete with laptop and dvd’s at arms length….and who just scrubbed her toilets until her fingers were raw…gearing up for when this wave fully crashes on the Geroux Crew….It would be a grosser then gross to claim they are so clean you could eat off them, but by golly it will not suck to vomit in them…LOL
